It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I haven’t posted since June. It's now the beginning of November, the leaves are changing colors, I've started wearing sweaters and there are pumpkins on my front porch.
I have missed writing. It is something I love to do. However, at the start of June, I decided to take a break.
Up until that month, a lot of change had happened – multiple moves (OR to GA to AZ to OR to OH to DE), buried my dad, supported my family in grief and loss, all while deepening a new relationship, integrating into a blended family, pursuing additional certifications, as well as growing my own private practice.
It was a lot to process and be present for, and by June, I was noticing moments of anxiety, depression, and overwhelm show up more frequently. I wanted to stay connected to life, but I was exhausted and needed to find ways to support my own system as I continued to integrate all the change and transition from the past year.
A few questions I asked myself to help figure out what I needed were:
What do I notice happening in my body as I reflect back over the past months?
How is my body responding to these changes?
Does my own system feel safe? OR am I reacting or shutting down?
What is not happening that would be helpful or supportive in this moment as I experience all these changes?
My answers to these questions didn’t come from thinking my way through them. It was a much more internal, reflective process of noticing emotions, sensations, and the impulse for certain movements within my own body. And even then, the outcome wasn’t a logical step-by-step process.
As I held these questions open over the past few months, I looked for moments when I felt an increased sense of safety and support in my body. In these moments, there was a spaciousness and capacity for deeper breath.
I also paid attention to the moments when I felt myself wanting to pull away or tightening within my body. The combined awareness of all of these things became valuable information when deciding how to better support myself.
One of the decisions I made was stopping my newsletters and blog posts. Another was to increase my own work with practitioners. I chose to prioritize sleep over fitness. I withdrew from a Master’s degree program that no longer aligned with my goals. I declined invitations and opportunities, even when doing so meant disappointing others. Not all of these decisions were easy to make. Still, I continued to trust my body to show me what I needed to restore a sense of safety and connection within myself.
I've said before, I didn’t get into this work to fix people – I got into it because I needed it myself. And I still do! My work with others comes out of my commitment to my own healing and growth. One reason I love sharing these newsletters is that they are an invitation for you to walk alongside me and observe my journey.
You see, I'm right here, "in it" just like you. I'm still learning and growing and integrating this work into my life. I’m trying to find balance and not allow the pace of life to leave me exhausted. And I am still dealing with change and hard things.
I feel excited and grateful to be ready to return to writing. I look forward to connecting with you in this way once again. My hope is these posts will be an offering of encouragement wherever you are on your own journey.
We’re in this together,
-Jen
