We’ve all felt it—the pang in our gut, the heaviness in our chest that somehow feels like it’s pulling us down from the inside. Shame and guilt are part of being human, and for a long time, I struggled to distinguish between the two. It wasn’t until I began my somatic healing journey that I started to understand how differently these emotions can impact us and why knowing the difference matters. Today, I’d love to share some insights I’ve gathered along the way—not as an expert, but as someone who has navigated this journey, too.
What we will cover in this blog:
Understanding Shame and Guilt: Definitions and Core Differences
For me, shame feels like a shrinking—a sense of being small, unworthy, or fundamentally flawed. Guilt, on the other hand, tends to be more about actions, a feeling that I’ve done something that goes against my values. Both are powerful and impactful in their ways, but one centers on who we are, while the other focuses on what we’ve done.
Recognizing this difference was eye-opening. I realized how often shame would sneak up on me, making me question my worth as a person, while guilt, though uncomfortable, usually inspired me to reflect and change. It’s amazing how two emotions that seem so similar can have such different effects on our bodies and minds.
One client shared, "When I have a day off or a break, if I’m not doing something, I’m either emotionally eating, or there’s some shame, some guilt." This highlights how ingrained these emotions can become in our day-to-day actions, often surfacing when we allow ourselves to rest.
How Shame and Guilt Manifest in the Body
I remember vividly the tightness that shame would bring—this heavy, sinking feeling in my chest, almost as if my heart were closing up. Sometimes, it felt like my body wanted to curl in on itself. Guilt, by contrast, seemed lighter, a brief tension that I could feel in my shoulders or stomach.
One client described it well, saying, "It's always in my chest. It's always, like, in the center of my chest. Always.” Through mindful practices like breathwork and reflection, I started to tune into these sensations. If you’re curious, you might find it helpful to try it too: sit for a moment with each feeling and see what shows up in your body. Trust your system; it will show you where these emotions live.
The Role of Shame and Guilt in Trauma and Healing
When I began exploring trauma, I was struck by how often shame and guilt were lurking beneath the surface. These feelings have a way of reinforcing the stories we carry, the ones that keep us stuck or tell us we’re not “enough.” For a long time, I thought I just had to “deal with it” on my own, but I’ve learned that holding these emotions inside doesn’t heal them.
After talking with one of my clients about this, I reminded them that often, what's happening is this part is protecting a very young part of you, and if we build trust with the protective part, we can meet that young wounded part that it's protecting. This protective mechanism can often make shame feel even more isolating. In my work, I’ve come to value gentle, safe spaces where we can bring these emotions into the open, even just a little. Approaching shame and guilt without judgment can create room for true healing. I’ve witnessed this both in myself and others—a sense of relief that comes from being able to see and name these feelings without fear.
Reframing and Releasing Shame and Guilt: Tools and Techniques
AA key moment for me was learning to engage with these emotions through my body. Approaches like Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Hakomi therapy helped me to connect with and understand these deep-rooted feelings safely. There’s no one “right” way to explore shame and guilt, but there are ways to befriend these emotions instead of hiding from them.
If we can actually begin to have conversations between you and these parts that can be uncomfortable or scary, we get to know this part's story. Engaging directly with these parts can be a powerful way to unravel the tangled emotions of shame and guilt. If you feel called, you might try some simple practices. Simply placing your hand over your heart and taking a few deep breaths can be incredibly calming, reminding you that it’s okay to feel what you feel. I often turn to these simple techniques when shame or guilt start to rise, and they’ve become trusted allies on my path.
Moving Forward: Integrating Compassion and Empowerment
Through somatic healing, I’ve learned to approach shame and guilt with compassion. These feelings don’t define me; they’re just parts of my experience, guiding me to learn and grow. Over time, this process has helped me cultivate a sense of self-worth and resilience.
Sometimes, these patterns of protection were adaptive strategies for safety, but now they block the nourishment we’re longing for. You might find that as you release some of the self-blame, there’s space for new energy, new insights, and a renewed connection with yourself. Healing isn’t about erasing these emotions but integrating them, trusting your body’s wisdom, and finding strength in your story.
As I continue this journey, I see how essential it is to differentiate between shame and guilt. Both emotions hold lessons, but they also need our compassion. They’re signals, not sentences, and by tuning into our bodies, we can discover how to move through them with more grace and understanding.
If this resonates with you, I’d be honored to walk alongside you as you explore these emotions. Healing is a journey, and you’re not alone on this path.
